Earlier this week, a co-worker and I were arriving about 20 minutes early for a conference. We’re not from the city, so we wanted to give ourselves plenty of time to arrive. As we entered the parking garage, we slowed down in order to find a parking place. As with many business parking garages, this garage has a lot of reserved parking places, reserved for those who work in the attached building.
This is where we had our encounter with modern-day Scrooges and Grinches. Some may call them “Karens,” a term I disagree with. I know some really sweet people named Karen. But I digress…
Parking Garage Drama
The drivers of two or three cars behind us revved their engines and drove aggressively as we searched for a non-reserved place to park. The non-reserved spaces on the lower levels of the garage appeared to be for compact cars. I was a passenger in a compact car, which my colleague was driving. I witnessed her pass up three spaces that her car could have fit in if it had not been for the aggressive nature of the driver in the vehicle behind us. The motorist drove an SUV that could not fit in the compact spaces of this lower level.
My colleague finally decided that she was just going to have to take the next available spot and that the people behind us would just have to wait. As we were parking, the driver in the car behind us increased its hostile driving, revving its engine. A few of the cars behind hers honked their horns. Once we were in our parking spot, we watched these cars as they sped past and took note of the faces. Every driver stared us down, their faces full of hostility and annoyance.
I know they were simply late for work and didn’t mean to come across to guests to their business as unwelcoming, antagonistic, and hostile. I’m sure that if we met in the hallway, these same people who were tail-gating us would have been very kind, welcoming, and helpful.
“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”
Proverbs 12:25
The Effects of Frequent Negative Social Interactions on Our Mental and Physical Health
This incident is just one of many that is occurring everywhere right now, as the Christmas season is really getting underway. We meet modern-day Scrooges or Grinches in parking garages, in shopping centers, in check-out lanes, and in restaurants. Every interaction we have with others has the power to impact that person’s day, but can negative social interactions with these modern-day Scrooges and Grinches have far more reaching effects on our mental and emotional health?
This article in the New York Times discusses the importance of social interaction on our overall health. It cites a 2010 study from The Journal of Health and Social Behavior which states, “‘consistent and compelling evidence linking a low quantity or quality of social ties with a host of conditions,’ including the development and worsening of cardiovascular disease, repeat heart attacks, autoimmune disorders, high blood pressure, cancer and slowed wound healing.”
If the lack of social interactions damages overall mental and physical health, what if the majority of our social interactions are negative?
In her article, “Exposure and Reactivity to Negative Social Exchanges: A Preliminary Investigation Using Daily Diary Data” (2003), Karen S. Rook contemplates this question. In the article, Rook discusses data from a study that reveals, in part, that “greater exposure to negative social exchanges was related to greater life stress and to less supportive networks.”
Although, I’m personally not sure of the root cause of these findings. Did the networks felt “less supportive” because these networks were the source of the negative interactions? Or did the test subjects feel their networks were less supportive because of the increased stress?
This study also studied reactions to these negative interactions and the personality characteristics of those who participated in the Daily Diary Data study and the long-term effects on health, stress, self-esteem, and personal relationships.
A 2015 study conducted by Wilson, et al. found a direct correlation between negative social interactions “mild cognitive impairment and cognitive decline” in old age.
When we’re yelling at an inattentive retail worker because she scanned a product twice or we’re honking our horns and revving our engines because the person in front of us stole our parking place, we’re not considering the effects that these interactions can have on that person’s long-term health. It’s just a moment in time, and we feel that we’re in the right. However, for those who have few human interactions, these negative interactions may be more than just a moment in time.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:32 ESV
The Effects of the Parking Lot Drama on My Colleague’s Mental State
After parking, my colleague and I made our way across the sky-walk and found welcoming signs pointing us in the direction of our conference. Of course, we kept a watchful eye out for the drivers who had been “mean-mugging” us in the parking garage.
Still, we became increasingly calmer as we made our way to the conference. Inside of this multi-business building, we were greeted with smiling, helpful people and beautiful Christmas decor. When we reached our conference area, we were greeted with a hot cocoa bar, a coffee bar, and a plethora of yummy snacks!
However, I could tell that every time we left the conference area, my friend was on edge. She started referring to the aggressive drivers as “The Parking Garage Bullies.” At the end of the day, she even made a point to leave the conference area as soon as we were dismissed. She hoped that leaving early would give us time to get out of the garage quickly and “avoid the Parking Lot Bullies.”
Moments in Time
As a passenger, I was able to let the morning’s antics fade into the background because I didn’t take it personally. However, if I had been the one in the driver seat, I’m sure that I would have had a mild anxiety attack during the incident. And I have no doubt that it would have distracted me periodically throughout the day.
I’ve found that when people relive moments in time, they also relive any strong emotions that are associated with those emotions. On this day, I witnessed my friend periodically become agitated and frustrated as we attended the conference. I wonder what the physiological effects of this single event on her overall blood pressure, heart rate, and ability to concentrate throughout the day.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV
The Effects of Positive Social Interaction on Our Mental and Physical Health
If negative interactions can cause harm to our overall health, is the opposite true? Can positive social interactions have a positive effect on our overall health?
In a study by Heaphy and Dutton (2008), the researchers found that “positive social interactions … are associated with immediate and enduring effects on the cardiovascular, immune, and neuroendocrine systems.” The 2017 New York Times article that I discussed earlier asserts that positive social interactions may be essential to a long and happy life. Those who have little to no social interactions “are more likely to experience elevated levels of stress and inflammation,” which can have a negative effect on “nearly every bodily system, including the brain.”
The Importance of Connectedness
Brody further discussed the impact of a lack of social interactions on mental health, citing Dr. Seppala’s 2016 book The Happiness Track. According to Dr. Seppala, “People who feel more connected to others have lower levels of anxiety and depression … higher self-esteem, greater empathy for others, are more trusting and cooperative and, as a consequence, others are more open to trusting and cooperating with them.”
Brody concludes her article with this call-to-action: “For those seeking a health-promoting lifestyle, it’s not enough to focus on eating your veggies and getting regular exercise. Dr Seppala advises: ‘Don’t forget to connect.’”
“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas … perhaps … means a little bit more.”
Dr. Suess, How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Give the Gift of Kindness
This holiday season, if we are to have a positive influence on the health, happiness, and well-being of ourselves and others, it’s not enough to not be negative. The protagonists in both Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol and Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas didn’t just become less negative. They went out of their way to be positive, to embrace the holiday spirit – not just for one day, but for all time. They also made it a point to build positive relationships with others.
Give the gift of kindness this Christmas! That retail worker, waitress, or fellow driver may not have any other social interactions today. So make sure that your interaction with them is a positive one. The evidence strongly suggests that in doing so, you may be having a positive effect on their physical and mental health, as well as their overall mood!
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
Works Cited
Brody, Jane E. (2017) Social interaction is critical for mental and physical health. The New York Times online. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/12/well/live/having-friends-is-good-for-you.html.
Heaphy, Emily D. and Jane E. Dutton. (2008). Positive social interactions and the human boy at work: linking organizations and physiology. Academy of Management Review, Volume 33, Issue 1, January 1, 2008. https://doi.org/10.5465/amr.2008.27749365.
Rook, Karen S. (2003) Exposure and reactivity to negative social exchanges: A preliminary investigation using daily diary data. The Journals of Gerontology: Series B, Volume 58, Issue 2, March 2003, Pages P100–P111, https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/58.2.P100.
Wilson, R. S., Boyle, P. A., James, B. D., Leurgans, S. E., Buchman, A. S., & Bennett, D. A. (2015). Negative social interactions and risk of mild cognitive impairment in old age. Neuropsychology, 29(4), 561–570. https://doi.org/10.1037/neu0000154.
